He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
