k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
