hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
