ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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