I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
