some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
