Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
