it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
