Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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