Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
