YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
