i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
