The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
