A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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