just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize