the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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