There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
