It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She bit a glass in half.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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