You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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