Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
