STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
