Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
