So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
