Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
