I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
