I am spending my child support on dildos
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
