There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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