so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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