I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
