Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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