closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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