Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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