At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
