he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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