Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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