don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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