he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
