Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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