Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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