Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
