I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
