I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
