Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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