I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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