planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
