how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
