she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
