the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
