maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
