just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
