Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
