oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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