I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
