The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How's work?
Spinning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
