I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
