redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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