Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
