Too much gin, very little bucket
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
