I hope mine doesn't look like that
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
