there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
