I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
