My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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