just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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