fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
