theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
