I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
