i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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