Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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