she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
