coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
