I think I died a long time ago.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
