is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
