but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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