I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
