I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
